Ever found yourself in one of those situations where you’ve got a bottle of beer without the fancy twist-off cap, and no bottle opener? For some folks, this would spell disaster. How are you going to enjoy that tasty beverage if you can’t even open it up?!
Fortunately, there’s more than one way to open a beer bottle out there. In fact, the methods are nearly countless. I’m going to start off with a video that’s gone a bit viral lately. This certainly isn’t the easiest way to open a beer, but it certainly does make the person doing it look pretty damn cool. In order to pull it off, you’ll need a beer bottle, a mouse, and a bird of prey somewhere in the area. Here, watch:
I mean, you might feel for that mouse a little bit, but its worth remembering that this is the fate of many mice – being eaten by a predator. And frankly, it’s probably a better way to go than in a lab somewhere being poked and prodded with stuff. And sure, it might be selfish on the part of the human doing it, but really it’s no different in the end than what this guy was trying to do:
I’m sure that guy wouldn’t feel NEARLY as bad if he had a freshly-opened beer in his hand right after that hawk snatched up his buddy Whiskers.
I get why people don’t necessarily like watching stuff like that happen, but it’s nature. That’s just the way it goes in the animal kingdom. Many small rodents have spent the final moments of their lives stuck in the tight grip of a bird of prey. I guess it just bums him out because he thought he was doing the right thing, releasing that mouse back into nature. That’s also what the family in this next video thought, when they found a bunny in their garage, fed it for a week, and then tried to set it free.
I actually nearly experienced this myself one night while driving around Peterborough. While coming around the corner from Crescent Street onto Haggart Street (alongside the Little Lake Cemetery), a friend and I caught a glimpse in my headlights of what looked like an owl trying to snatch a rabbit off the ground just beside the road. We must’ve spooked the owl, because it took off without a good grip on the rabbit, and the rabbit fell to the ground just a few inches from where it had been snatched. I’m assuming the owl came back after we were gone, but even though I didn’t witness the actual act of an owl taking a small animal like that, it’s still one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen.
Anyway, we’re not here to talk about birds of prey, we’re talking about cool ways to open a beer.
I once took part in a flash mob in the middle of February in Toronto. If I recall correctly, it was a subway dance party that we were all doing. The staging point for the mob was in Queen’s Park, so that’s where everyone gathered. Being in college at the time, I’d had some experience opening beer bottles in unique ways. I came across a kid who was maybe 15 or 16 and had a single bottle of Corona and was going around asking folks if anyone had a bottle opener. I told him I could show him a way to open it without an opener. We went to a bench in the park, and I proceeded to blow his mind a bit by showing him how to open his beer with just a hard edge, like this:
That guy is clearly an amateur, since it took him more than one try… But he’s drinking with my old pal the Kozel goat, so I’ll give him a pass this time. Be careful if you’re trying this. I’ve found wood works best. One time I tried it on a metal work bench and ended up breaking the neck of the bottle, rendering the beer undrinkable… So be careful.
Fortunately, many many people have faced this challenge and come up with creative ways to get around it. Here’s a few more examples:
Although I gotta agree with these next guys. If you’ve got a friend or friends who are into BMX, this probably the ultimate best way you could ever open a beer:
But it’s never a bad idea to have a bottle opener on your person at all times, just in case. I’ve done that for years!
I used to tease Niagara College for handing out these churchkey keychains, but this has come in handy more than I’d like to admit. pic.twitter.com/dvQmvoJRgH
— Ken Elrick II (@DrPatchbeard) November 14, 2016
And there’s certainly no shortage of awesome bottle openers out there. This one might be my favourite:
Although the design of this one is pretty awesome too. I mean, who wouldn’t love to just grab a beer and have it open by the time you bring it to your mouth? I just can’t help but think that it could have a better name…
Then again, that name is pretty memorable… So maybe their plan worked!